It's a super rainy and shitty spring day in New York City. I'm at work, standing at the podium underneath our huge awning watching sheets of rain pound against the streets of Times Sq. "Holy Shit" I say to myself, "I've never seen rain like this." I mean, I grew up in Seattle. I'm no stranger to rain. But in Seattle it rains a little bit, a lot of the time. I've come to find that in New York, it rains a lot, a little bit of the time.
Just then a young attractive girl in a business suit and high-heels and a Louis Vuitton roller bag walks out of the hotel. She stares at the massive rainstorm unloading itself upon the concrete and turns to me and asks, "Is it gonna be hard to get a cab??"
Now if that's not just the stupidest thing you can say at that point, I don't know what is. And you know what? It's always the bitchy guests that ask that way too. These are people that don't tip. They want to make sure it's gonna be easy for you to do something for them because they don't plan on tipping you for your efforts. A cool guest will come right up to you and say something like "Hey buddy, can you hail me a taxi please with a tip in hand. I normally get no more than $2 for grabbing someone a cab but it adds up after a while.
"Yes ma'am." I say. "Unfortunately it will be very hard to get a taxi right now due to the fact that it's rush hour and it's raining REALLY hard right now.
"But I need to get to JFK like, right away." She says
"Well Ma'am, you can take our car service to the airport if you'd prefer. He can leave right now and have you there in 30 minutes." I state my sales pitch.
It's no great secret that Doormen in big cities receive kick backs from town car services. We are the ones who are in the best position to get people to take transportation back to the airport. The standard is a 20% commission off of their fare. Shit... some cabbies pay hotel doormen $2-$10 per airport run if the allow them to wait outside of hotels all day. Have you ever approached a cabbie in front of a hotel in New York who had his "Off Duty" lights on who stated that he couldn't take you where you wanted to go? Well I'm here to tell you he was waiting to do an airport run and didn't want to take your shitty fare to Penn Station. Either that or his shift was up and he was on his way to return the cab to the garage on time and still didn't want to take your shitty fare to Penn Station.
When its raining like it was on this day, I knew I wasn't gonna see a cab for a long time. Even if she was going to an airport.
"Well how much does he charge?" She inquires.
$75 including tolls and taxes Miss." I confidently state. "Add in the fact that it's rush hour right now and chances are it could take me up to half an hour to find you a taxi."
"But a cab is only like, $45 right?"
"Well it's gonna be more like $60 when you factor in the tolls and the tip." I respond with a gross estimation of what I know this woman would actually tip in order to make the town car sound more reasonable.
"Well isn't there a number of a taxi company you can call?" She utters the classic "out of your element" question.
"No Ma'am. Unfortunately in New York there is no number to call. You simply have to wait until they drive by or drop somebody off." I say. "I honestly think that right now the town car is worth the extra money it will cost you."
"NO. I'll wait for a taxi." She says, denying all logic and rational thought.
I go out into the rain storm. My only shield from it's fury it the large, golfer's umbrella with the hotel's logo on it. While my suit jacket stays nice and dry my lower half is getting soaking wet. Meanwhile this bitch stands there underneath the dry awning texting on her blackberry with a little fucking snarl on her face that suddenly seems much less attractive than it looked just a moment ago.
"Bitch." I mutter under my breath.
After about 5 minutes out there, my shoes, socks and pants are soaking wet. I come in from rain and approach her under the awning.
"Ma'am, I could stand out there all day getting soaked and still not find you a taxi. Your best shot at getting a cab is if he drops somebody off at the hotel and you don't need me for that. I've got to head downstairs and change into some dry clothes." I state sternly. "If you want to go to the airport right now, I suggest you take the town car we have available for you or work on getting a cab yourself."
She looks astonished by my stern delivery. "That's right bitch, I'm in the union!" I think to myself. "I've got job security! You gotta a problem with how I'm speaking, I dare you to go complain to my manager. You'll spend half an hour in there filing a complaint that's not actually gonna do anything and you'll probably miss you fuckin' flight!" (Side note: In my mind I talk straight up gangsta, Bitch!)
"Fine." She finally concedes to reason. "I'll take the car but I'm not gonna tip him."
"I'm sure you won't ma'am." I state with a grin.
"Nada propina." I say to the driver as I load her bags into the trunk while giving him an apologetic look."
Running out from under the awning he quickly makes his wait to the drivers side so as not to get wet. "Tipico" he says with a pained look on his face as he gets into the drivers seat. Lady has a $1,000 dollar bag and is bitching about an extra $30.
As expected, she stiffs me too. "Whatever," I think to myself. "I still made $15 off you anyway."
Just then a young attractive girl in a business suit and high-heels and a Louis Vuitton roller bag walks out of the hotel. She stares at the massive rainstorm unloading itself upon the concrete and turns to me and asks, "Is it gonna be hard to get a cab??"
Now if that's not just the stupidest thing you can say at that point, I don't know what is. And you know what? It's always the bitchy guests that ask that way too. These are people that don't tip. They want to make sure it's gonna be easy for you to do something for them because they don't plan on tipping you for your efforts. A cool guest will come right up to you and say something like "Hey buddy, can you hail me a taxi please with a tip in hand. I normally get no more than $2 for grabbing someone a cab but it adds up after a while.
"Yes ma'am." I say. "Unfortunately it will be very hard to get a taxi right now due to the fact that it's rush hour and it's raining REALLY hard right now.
"But I need to get to JFK like, right away." She says
"Well Ma'am, you can take our car service to the airport if you'd prefer. He can leave right now and have you there in 30 minutes." I state my sales pitch.
It's no great secret that Doormen in big cities receive kick backs from town car services. We are the ones who are in the best position to get people to take transportation back to the airport. The standard is a 20% commission off of their fare. Shit... some cabbies pay hotel doormen $2-$10 per airport run if the allow them to wait outside of hotels all day. Have you ever approached a cabbie in front of a hotel in New York who had his "Off Duty" lights on who stated that he couldn't take you where you wanted to go? Well I'm here to tell you he was waiting to do an airport run and didn't want to take your shitty fare to Penn Station. Either that or his shift was up and he was on his way to return the cab to the garage on time and still didn't want to take your shitty fare to Penn Station.
When its raining like it was on this day, I knew I wasn't gonna see a cab for a long time. Even if she was going to an airport.
"Well how much does he charge?" She inquires.
$75 including tolls and taxes Miss." I confidently state. "Add in the fact that it's rush hour right now and chances are it could take me up to half an hour to find you a taxi."
"But a cab is only like, $45 right?"
"Well it's gonna be more like $60 when you factor in the tolls and the tip." I respond with a gross estimation of what I know this woman would actually tip in order to make the town car sound more reasonable.
"Well isn't there a number of a taxi company you can call?" She utters the classic "out of your element" question.
"No Ma'am. Unfortunately in New York there is no number to call. You simply have to wait until they drive by or drop somebody off." I say. "I honestly think that right now the town car is worth the extra money it will cost you."
"NO. I'll wait for a taxi." She says, denying all logic and rational thought.
I go out into the rain storm. My only shield from it's fury it the large, golfer's umbrella with the hotel's logo on it. While my suit jacket stays nice and dry my lower half is getting soaking wet. Meanwhile this bitch stands there underneath the dry awning texting on her blackberry with a little fucking snarl on her face that suddenly seems much less attractive than it looked just a moment ago.
"Bitch." I mutter under my breath.
After about 5 minutes out there, my shoes, socks and pants are soaking wet. I come in from rain and approach her under the awning.
"Ma'am, I could stand out there all day getting soaked and still not find you a taxi. Your best shot at getting a cab is if he drops somebody off at the hotel and you don't need me for that. I've got to head downstairs and change into some dry clothes." I state sternly. "If you want to go to the airport right now, I suggest you take the town car we have available for you or work on getting a cab yourself."
She looks astonished by my stern delivery. "That's right bitch, I'm in the union!" I think to myself. "I've got job security! You gotta a problem with how I'm speaking, I dare you to go complain to my manager. You'll spend half an hour in there filing a complaint that's not actually gonna do anything and you'll probably miss you fuckin' flight!" (Side note: In my mind I talk straight up gangsta, Bitch!)
"Fine." She finally concedes to reason. "I'll take the car but I'm not gonna tip him."
"I'm sure you won't ma'am." I state with a grin.
"Nada propina." I say to the driver as I load her bags into the trunk while giving him an apologetic look."
Running out from under the awning he quickly makes his wait to the drivers side so as not to get wet. "Tipico" he says with a pained look on his face as he gets into the drivers seat. Lady has a $1,000 dollar bag and is bitching about an extra $30.
As expected, she stiffs me too. "Whatever," I think to myself. "I still made $15 off you anyway."
Hmm, the next time I go to New York I'll keep all of this in mind. Hope it won't be raining!
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