Rat Race

The other day, while lounging in my apartment in Brooklyn, I caught the opening scenes from the 2001 movie "Rat Race". For those of you who haven't seen it, the movie revolves around a core group of characters chosen to take part in a "race" put on by several wealthy gambling addicts (who have grown tired of the same old casino games) holed up in a swanky Las Vegas Hotel suite. The "socialites" round up the characters and explain to them that they are now involved in a race and the first one of them to get to a specific locker at a specific bus station in New Mexico will get the prize inside of it which happens to be $2 million cash. The debutantes then bet on which character will retrieve the money first.

Now the plot is completely irrelevant as to why I'm mentioning this in my blog.While the movie is mediocre at best, I haven't been able to stop thinking about one of the opening lines of the film.  The character of Randy, (played by Jon Lovitz) plays a likable but unbalanced jewish man on a vacation in Las Vegas with his family.  The scene opens within the family's vacant hotel room, with the camera focused intently on the door.  As the door swings open the entire family is revealed, each one of them holding 2-3 pieces of luggage in their arms.  Once the door fully opens, the wife and kids all drop the luggage in a heap in the hallway, exhausted and annoyed.  "See" Lovitz' character exclaims. "I told you we didn't need a bellman!"

These 9 words and this scene have made me laugh for the last few days because I deal with these types of people everyday.  It is these people who check into hotels that cost them upwards of $300 per night and have more bags than they can handle comfortably. However, rather than accept the help of the employees of the hotel, they choose to struggle with their bags so they can save $5-$10 in tip money.  It's so pathetic watching these people lugging these 50 pound bags out of the taxi or supershuttle bus. As welcome them to New York I approach them with a luggage cart and motion to grab the cases. I typically here them cry out emphatically "no, no, no. We've got it" or "I think we can handle it," or "It's ok, they've got wheels" as their excuse to get me to leave them alone.

It's not that they don't want help, it's that they don't want to tip me at the end of my assistance.  They can afford $300 per night but its as if giving an employee $10 to haul their 8 bags up to their room while acclimating them to their surroundings is just going to put them in the red for their whole vacation.  It's really incredible watching these people struggle through the lobby and up to the elevator, the whole time denying help from the people who are offering it to them. These people see bellmen as unnecessary vultures looking to separate them from the cash they covet so dearly.  I can just hear their thought process as they grunt "If I tip him, I won't be able to get all of those stupid NYPD t-shirts and knock off Louis Vuitton bags in Chinatown that I want so badly. I'd rather struggle up to my room on my vacation than tip somebody for helping me at the end of a long travel day."

I mean really people, lighten the fuck up.  Accept the bellmen's help and ask him a few questions about the hotel and the neighborhood while you are at it.  You will typically find a very interesting and knowledgeable person whose insight into the city you are visiting and the hotel you are staying in to be more than worth the tip you give him, let alone not having to force your wife and children to carrying half their wardrobe to the room.  How badly do you want to save a few dollars? The best are the people who grab the luggage cart as they head up to their room. "Can I help you up to your room?" I ask politely. "No, It's ok, we'll take it from here." they respond. "Well ma'am I will have to help you if you wish to use the cart." As if it's cool to take the tools someone uses to do their job.  

If you have a single roller or just an overnight bag, I completely understand.  Obviously you don't need our help, but I have been asked for assistance by someone with just one small bag who was very nice and talkative and at the end they tipped me $20 so I guess you never know.  However, if you are on vacation and have several large bags, let the bellmen assist you, it's all part of the experience of the hospitality industry.  Skipping their part in the check-in process would be like seating yourself at a restaurant even though there is a hostess there. And you better believe we all make mental notes of who tipped us, who stiffed us, and who didn't want our help.  Next time you need a taxi, we just might be a little too busy to help you!

Tip or Buy a candle?

A friend of mine was on her way to New York from San Francisco last year for business.  Her company was putting her up at one of those big 700 room hotels in the middle of Times Square and we had been planning on getting together and going out for a sushi dinner on the first night she arrived.  I received a call from her while she was in a cab, en route to her hotel. The conversation was casual and we made plans for when and where to meet that evening.  As the exchange wound down she asked me:

"How much should I tip the bellman at the hotel."

"$2 per bag but no less than $5, that's a solid tip and one he will appreciate" I replied.

"Well," she said, "I only have my briefcase and a roller bag.  I think I'll just take it up myself." She decided.

"OK Eilene, Whatever," not wanting to lecture my friend on being cheap or go into the benefits of establishing a good relationship with hotel employees.  "I will see you tonight in Brooklyn.  Get ready for some good sushi."

We meet up at my favorite sushi spot called AKO in the heart of Williamsburg Brooklyn.  We have a great meal (as always at AKO) pay our bill (me tipping nicely I might add) and head towards the subway.

"Wait," she says. "Before I head back to my hotel I need to swing by a drug store."

I re-route our path and take her to the nearest Duane Reade.  We get inside the brightly lit mecca of commerce and go our separate ways once inside.  I head towards the freezer section and grab a nice Haagen Daaz bar as my dessert for the night.  I head back at the front of the store and spot Eilene waiting in the check out line with a scented candle in her hand. I get in line next to her.

"What's that for?" I ask.

"Oh, they put me in a smoking room at my hotel so I'm buying this scented candle to mask the smell of smoke in the room." She replies innocently.

"SEE!" I respond emphatically allowing the three beers I had at dinner to start doing the talking for me.  "Now if you had allowed a bellman to take you up to the room you could have told him that you didn't want a smoking room and he could have called to the reception area.  He could have switched your room or, hell, he could have got your room upgraded for the inconvenience if you had given him a nice tip. How much is that candle that you're buying?" I inquire.

"Eight dollars." She replies.

"So instead of giving $5 to a hardworking young man, probably a struggling artist like myself, you end up giving $8 to a faceless corporation like this drug store?"

"But I didn't NEED any help with my bags" she exclaims.

"You're right" I confirm. "you didn't NEED any help with your bags but you certainly could have used some help getting out of that smokey room once you got in there.  The bellman isn't just there to help you with your bags, he's there to ensure your satisfaction with the room once you arrive at it and if he can't fix the problem that you have once you get to the room, he is empowered by his managers to compensate you and make sure you are happy. I give out vouchers for free drinks at the bar and free breakfast in our restaurant if I encounter someone who is not happy with their room or with the service they received.  I send up amenities of champagne, wine, chocolate truffles, or cheese platters all the time to guests who tip me well, guests that are celebrating special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries or simply to guests that I enjoyed talking to.  You better believe that if I checked a guest in to a smoking room who didn't WANT a smoking room, I would make sure they got a non-smoking room before I went back down to the lobby or compensate them accordingly if we had no more non-smoking rooms available.  But since you couldn't just part with the $5 for the bellman's service, here we are at 10:30pm in a drug store buying stuff we don't really need" I conclude.

She defends herself by saying "Look, it's not a big deal, I like buying candles. If there is a problem with my room I will take care of it myself or complain to the front desk later on."

Feeling as if I would never win this argument I concede. "OK, it's obvious you don't understand how the hospitality industry works. It's cool, I just hope you don't ever come stay in my hotel."

Don't tip in Change

As a bellman/Doorman (the positions are combined at my hotel) I have a quick piece of advice for all you hotel guests out there, Don't tip your bellman with coins!!

There are several reasons for this rule (yes, I have deemed it a rule.) As a bellman, I am on my feet, walking around for all eight hours of my shift.  As the shift progresses the wad of bills (primarily composed of singles and fives) in my pocket grows and becomes more and more uncomfortable. I can deal with that wad of bills because I know that money is instantly useful and convenient as soon as my shift is over.  What I can't deal with is somebody giving me a handful of silver because they are either out of bills or want to get rid of the change that is currently burning a hole in their pocket.  Because this guest doesn't have any bills to give me, I have to walk around with change jangling in my pocket for the next several hours.  It is noisy and after a while the sound drives me insane.  Further more, it's a constant reminder of that one guy who couldn't just cough up a couple dollar bills or bite the bullet and, (gasp!) give me a nice tip of $5 or even $10.  God forbid he bestow some goodwill towards someone who can make his hotel stay extremely pleasant but instead he just unloads the things that he doesn't want to the guy lugging his bag around.  If you have a choice of giving $1 or 8 quarters, I'd prefer the $1.  Chances are I'll forget about the cheap guy who gave me $1 whereas I will remember the guy who gave me noisy quarters for the rest of the week.

Now some of my co-workers (and I'm sure a lot of you out there) will say, "hey man, money is money!" True, but when was the last time you paid your bar tab with coins? (If your answer is within the last month, than you are an alcoholic and should seek treatment.)  This is not Europe, a pocket full of change will not pay for your lunch.  A pocket full of change here is something you put in a jar, wait until it gets full, and then roll up in coin rolls and cash in at your bank. Or change is something that your give to the cashier to make sure that you are not given more change after making a purchase. As in "the total is $16.67? I think I have the $.67, I want to get rid of this change."

Often times when I see that a guest is getting ready to give me change I will refuse and say something like.

"No thank you sir, I prefer to not have change jingling around in my pocket for the rest of my shift."

To this they often get a little offended and insist I accept. If this occurs I will accept the money, only to leave it on the ground in front of the door of their hotel room so the next time they exit, they will see their "generous" tip of rejected coinage on the ground and hopefully learn the lesson that they should carry some paper money on them from now on.

Now, If I receive the tip outside, I will purposely mishandle the exchange and let the coins fall on the sidewalk with a noisy clatter at my feet and the feet of my cheap guest.

"Oops," I exclaim. "Oh well" I say as I turn to walk away.

The guest now has the decision to bend over and pick up every last dirty little piece of money and try to give it back to me or leave it there, hop in the cab and travel to his destination trying to figure out why the Doorman didn't want to pick up the $1.57 in nickels, dimes and pennies.  I'm sure about half way to JFK he realizes that it was just a cheap tip. That the money itself wasn't worth the effort to pick it up and he should have bucked up and tipped a $5 bill. Either that or he just thinks I'm an asshole, I'm fine with either, so long as he remembers that exchange for a while.

When all is said and done, don't give your bellman change.  You are either giving him the task of rolling it up and taking it to his bank  in the future or you are giving him the embarrassing situation where he stands in line at a deli counter, tallying up the cost of his sandwich in silver and copper, only to have it recounted by the cashier to make sure it is right while people watch in line and get aggravated at how long the check-out process is taking.  The whole process is one that can be easily avoided by making sure you have $1 bills when you know you will be in a tipping situation or just not be such a cheap bastard and throw out a $5 or a $10 every now and again.  This is New York City People Change sucks and "Cash rules everything around me Cream get the money, Dolla dolla bill y'all!!!'

P.S. $1 coins are acceptable, but just barely!

A little history

In February of 2006 I moved to New York City from Seattle.  My first job interview was for a doorman/bellman at a boutique hotel in midtown and I aced it.  I got the job and started work 2 days later.  The job was meant to be temporary until my ambitions to become a touring musician became a reality.  That was over 5 years ago.  In those 5 years I have met thousands of people.  Most of them have been very cool and interesting and meeting them has given me perspective, both good and bad.  Standing on the streets of New York up to 40 hours a week, I have seen some incredible shit.  I am a very observant person by nature and I have a fantastic memory. I have developed several theories on the way people act when they stay in hotels, the mind frame of the New York union hotel employee and the New York hospitality industry in general.  My name is Dylan Coal and I have some stories to share with everyone.