Cabbie Con-man!

Let me tell you a little story about a cabbie (who looked like the guys pictured below) and who drove a cab that looked like the one to the right.

It was in the early evening and a cab pulled up to the loading zone of the hotel. I approached the cab, opened the door and said my customary "Welcome to R&B Hotels and welcome to New Y.....). Before I could even finish I could tell that this women was in an arguement with her taxi driver. Based on the standard "$50.35" on the meter, I could tell that this woman came directly from JFK.

As I listened in on the conversation I heard "but I don't have any cash" she said. "This is the only way I can pay you."

"No! You need cash!" The cabbie shouted. "Credit card machine broken, only cash!"

Now, before I can continue, I need to give you a little back story on the history of the Taxi and Limosine Commission (TLC) and the city of New York City and the cabbies caught in the middle. About 5-10 years ago, Mayor Bloomberg made it mandatory that all taxi cabs be equipped with credit card machines. The cab drivers Union was not happy about the law since all fares paid by credit card would be reported income and subject to taxation by the city and by the state. They put up a big fuss about it to the day, many of them still try to collect only cash for their fares. As a rule of thumb, I only pay cab drivers in cash. It's just one less problem I will have to deal with during the course of my cab ride to Brooklyn. (They don't like going to outer bouroughs either.)

Here is a FAQ from the NYC TLC website regarding this issue:
Is a driver allowed to refuse to let a passenger use his/her credit/debit card?
No. In vehicles equipped with technology systems drivers are required to accept American Express, MasterCard, VISA and Discover (and some will accept the JCB Card) for all fares. The driver must accept credit/debit cards for any fare amount.  If a driver claims the credit card system is broken and/or prevents a passenger from using their credit/debit card, please report the medallion number to the TLC by calling 311.

For a brief period of time, (during a suspension for questionable conduct) my co-worker and friend Willie Bass drove a cab to make his income. One day he was hanging out across the street waiting for an airport run, I went over to him and had a little chat. He told me about how cab drivers scam tourists for cash fares. When the cabbie and his passenger(s) arrive at their destination, the driver needs to press a button to prompt the screen in the back seat to display payment options. Now, once that screen is prompted, the driver then presses another button that tells his CPU that the passengers wish to pay cash. If the driver presses that second button, the passengers can swipe their credit card all they want, the CPU will still be waiting for a cash payment.

The cabbies then say, "Oh, my credit card machine is broken, you need to pay cash." Or they say, "The system is down, you need to pay cash." When a cab driver says this, I know they are full of shit. There is no way the garage would let a car leave for a shift if there was anything wrong with the credit card machine. In addition, the cabbie's "system" is interconnected. If the system is down in one cab, the system would then have to be down in all 13,000+ cabs across the city.

The cab driver then will start pressing buttons on the meter to further prove his point that he can't accept credit cards but if you look closely, there is one button he won't press and that is the button that prompts the screen in the back seat to allow the credit card option to display.

Anyway, I think you have enough background on the issue at hand. As I realized what was going on, I approached the cabbie at the passenger side door. "Yo man, what's the problem here?" I asked politely.

"Credit card not working, she need to pay cash. See?" He shows me as he starts pressing 3 out of the 4 buttons on his meter repeatedly.

"Yeah? Well why don't you press that button right there?" I say pointing to the 4th illusive button.

Realizing that I'm in the know on this issue, he looks at me with disbelief and then states "You get outta here, this is not your business."

"Well this woman in the back is a guest at my hotel so I guess it is my business." I fire back. "Look, she doesn't have any cash. Press that button and let her pay you. If you don't then she can't pay you. I'm trying to help you get paid."

At this point he has no interest in listening to logic. It seems he is more interested in sticking to his guns rather than accepting a payment that will get taxed.

"No! This is none of your business!!" He comes back. "The machine is broken! She needs to pay cash!! If you don't get out of here, I'm going to call the police!"

"Well I work here so I can't go anywhere." I state. "Go ahead and call the cops if you want."

To this he pulls out his cell phone and begins making calls. I give him a long glare before I turn to our guest in the back seat. "Look ma'am, I don't know what you want to do. If I were you, I would just leave and not pay him at all."

"I'm in a big rush." She says. "I just want to pay him and get up to my room. Where is the closest BofA ATM?"

"It's just half a block down there on the corner." I reply.

She heads down to the corner as I head inside and the cab driver continues to play around on his iPhone. I head to the back office behind the front desk and find the MOD Michelle working at her computer.

"Hey Michelle I just think you should know there is a cab driver outside who is calling the cops on me."

"WHAT???" She exclaims. "Why??"

"He told a guest she couldn't pay with credit card and I said he was full of shit to and he got mad and said he was going to call the cops." I explained. "The guest is getting cash at the ATM right now. I've got to go deliver some bags to a room, I'll be back down in a minute."

As I leave to go deliver bags, Michelle goes to the front of the hotel and approaches the cab driver sitting in the drivers seat on his phone.

"What the hell is going on man?" She asks. Michelle was born and raised in the Bronx. She's been dealing with asshole cab drivers since she was 5 years old, she knows how to handle them.

"Your doorman threatened to hit me and steal my phone and my money!" The cab driver shouted.

"My doorman makes way more than you do, he doesn't need your money. He's got the same phone as you so he doesn't need your phone either. Why won't you accept the credit card?"

"I'm calling the police!" The cabbie exclaims.

"You know what?" Michelle responds. "Don't bother. I'm gonna go find a cop and bring him here." With that she trudges off into Times Sq. looking for one of our boys in blue.

In the end, the guest came back and paid the cabbie in cash. A few minutes later, Michelle returned with a cop who spoke to the taxi driver and convinced him to leave and not to pursue any legal action and told me he was sorry I had to deal with the guy but that getting him to leave was far better than having anything more to do with him. I agreed, thanked him and shook his hand. Later on that evening I saw the guest return from her night out. She instantly recognized me.

"Thank you so much for sticking up for me earlier" she said as she handed me a tip. "Sorry I didn't tip you earlier but I was in such a big rush."

"No problem whatsoever" I replied. "I can't stand cabbies like that so I just couldn't let it go."

As she walked away I looked down at the tip in my hand.

"$3?" I said to myself. "For all that I get $3? Really?"

Oh well, that's the life of a Bellman!

Willie Bass!

So I work with this cat who calls himself Willie Bass. Willie Bass is a Puerto Rican man in his mid 40's who has been born and raised in the Bronx. He smokes a pack of Newports a day, at least a gram of weed a day and has a deep and raspy voice that sounds exactly like the Kool-Aid Man. In fact, for a period of time in the 90's, he actually landed a contract to be the voice of the Kool-Aid Man and recorded several commercials that aired nationally. This was before he was the road manager for C&C Music Factory. 

Basically the guy is hilarious and it's always a pleasure getting to work with him and listen to his stories about growing up in New York and being on the road with C&C. There was also a period in time when he was the personal driver for Jerry Seinfeld. I am convinced that should he ever decide to write his memoirs, it will be a national best seller! The guy can tell you stories and make you laugh for 8 hours straight. I know this for a fact!

Anyway, one summer day about two years ago, Willie Bass and I were busy outside working on the streets of Times Sq. I was unloading bags out of the back of a car that had just arrived and Willie was in the street hailing a cab by whistling his famous ear piercing whistle. The girls from the front desk were pestering us on the radio to come inside because people needed to retrieve their luggage inside.

"I copy that" I say. "We are both busy outside, we will be inside in just a moment. Copy?"

No response from the front desk. The front desk agents at our hotel use the 2-way radio as a 1-way radio. They keep the radios on but with the volume all the way down so we can hear them but they can't hear us.

"Bellman, we need help with luggage retrieval at the desk." Natasha at the front desk says.

"COPY!" I say, very frustrated. "Give us a minute!!"

Just then, as I hand the valet ticket to the couple that just arrived and invite them to go check in at the front desk, a cab comes speeding down the street. As he inches closer to the hotel I notice that he is getting very close to Willie Bass who is still trying to find a vacant cab for our other guests. The cab pulls in so fast and close that he runs over Willie's foot.

"Awwww Shit!" Willie exclaims! "That cabbie just ran me down! Make sure he don't go nowhere!!!" 

A middle eastern man in a Turban hops out of the driver side door and runs over to Willie. He says to him in a thick accent:

"What were you doing in the middle of the street? This is your fault!"

"Fuck you man!" Willie shoots right back. "You ran over my foot, how am I gonna make my money now man? I'm gonna sue your middle eastern ass!"

The cabbie suddenly becomes very defensive. "NO! It's OK. Here take my moneys, don't sue, don't sue!"

By this time Willie has dragged himself over to the curb of the hotel and is sitting on it while lighting up a Newport and unlacing his shoe.

"What? I got money motherfucka" he says pulling a wad of his tips for the day out of his right pocket. "I don't need your dirty money, it's the principle of the matter! I'm gonna take you down!"

By this time security has come out of the building and I quickly escort the guests away from the scene of the accident and inside to our air-conditioned lobby. Police reports were filed and Willie took a little time off of work to rehab his foot. He got a settlement from the cab company about a year later but it was only for like $5,000. 

I got a great story out of the whole scenario. I will never forget that day for as long as I live!

The Polar Bear!

As of this very minute, we have a guest staying at our hotel who is BAT SHIT FUCKING CRAZY!!!

She is British, however she claims that she was forced out of Europe by the Italian government. I know she is very wealthy because she wears a $20,000 Rolex and comes down into our lobby everyday with a different Chanel handbag. She gives $20 to anybody who is willing to listen to her mindless, bi-polar ramblings for more than 5 minutes. However to me, the $20 is not worth dealing with the craziness.

On her first day in New York, she came into the hotel crying uncontrollably because someone bumped into  her on the streets of Times Square. Then, last night she asked me to get her a cab that would "not speak to her at all or else she would just lose it." I found a cab driver and explained to him, "look man, this lady is fucking CRAZY! If you can get her to 33rd st. and 8th avenue without saying a word she will gladly pay you the fare and probably give you a nice tip." He agreed and within five minutes she was storming back in to the hotel, furious, at me no less.

"You need to find me a better cab driver, that guy was a nightmare!" She said to me. "I forgot my wallet and my purse in my room and he wasn't willing to drive me there. Find me a better cab when I come down!"

"OK" I said dumbfounded. "I will find you better driver." I ended up just putting her in the first cab I could find and wished him the best of luck. No matter what gets done for this woman, she will find something wrong with it.

This morning as I was arriving into work, I come to find out that she has been crying in the restaurant talking about how horrible the world has become and screaming about how today was the anniversary of the London subway bombings. I ended up hiding in the locker room until I found out that she had left the building for the day.

As the day progressed more and more of my co-workers told stories of how her craziness had affected them during her brief stay with us. We nick named her "The Polar Bear" on account of her violent, bi-polar mood swings. On our radios "Code Polar Bear" means she is arriving and to run for cover if you don't want to be yelled at for 20 minutes. A more competent management team would realize what a nuisance this woman is and ask her to leave the hotel.  However, since our management team is completely clueless, I get the benefit of witnessing this mountain of pure gold writing material unveil it's fruits to me first hand.

I have the next two days off but I work the morning shift on Sunday when she is scheduled to check out. Personally, I hope she stays forever. I could write a fucking book based only on the crazy shit this woman says!

My life as a tipper: Part 2

This brings me to hotels, my field of expertise. About 95% of all New York City hotels are unionized under LOCAL 6. The union contract states that any position deemed “a tipped position” (i.e. Waiter, Doorman, Bellman, Valet, Banquet Server, Room Service Attendant) is to be paid 50% of what non-tipped employees such as Engineers, Housekeepers or Security receive as their hourly wage. I get paid under $13 an hour. My weekly check for wages doesn't amount to much over $1,000 (after taxes) per month, which doesn't even cover my half of my rent! (Taxes are extreme if you work in the city limits, not to mention a pack of cigarettes is $15 and a six-pack of beer costs you about the same.) I depend on tips to pay my bills. A non-tipped employee makes over $25 per hour and cashes out at about $3,500 per month after taxes. Not too bad!

A lot of people (normally foreigners) look at this and say (in thick accents) "Aw that’s just bloody awful! Your hotel is cheating you and it shouldn't come upon me to make up for the money they are saving by not paying you a living wage."

"Look sir," I always reply. "This is America, tipping is a standard practice here. Because of that our industries laws have adjusted to that. I didn't make the rules about tipping and how businesses treat their employees here in the U.S., I'm just living with them. If you have a problem with the practice of tipping properly, maybe you shouldn’t have chosen to vacation here. Maybe you should have stayed in Europe.”(Or Asia, or Australia, or etc....)

When it comes to tipping at hotels, I will break it down by job classification.

For Housekeepers, when I check out of my room, I will usually leave a few dollars. If I stayed for an extended period of time and required them to clean the room several times, I will leave a little more. Please remember, in a union house, they are getting paid maximum wages and don't rely on tips to pay their bills. Same goes for anyone who comes to your room to bring you a coffee maker, an extra luggage rack or fresh towels. Whatever singles you have would be appreciated for the effort. Typically, anyone who brings something to your room is getting paid a runners fee of about $2 that will get added to their checks (and taxed.) Leave these folks a little something extra for the effort, but don’t stress too much about it.

Room Service Waiters are also not ones to be extremely generous with. Almost every hotel I know of adds an 18% gratuity to a room service bill as well as a $2-3 delivery fee of which the server typically receives 50%. However, look closely at your bill. If you don't see these charges, you better pay the man.

Now we get to Front of the House Staff. I feel as if I have a PhD in the ways of front of the house hotel tipping etiquette. When I stay at a hotel, I typically aim on spending $20 on tips upon check in, about $30 upon check out. I also feel I am quite biased since I consider them "my people" and tend to over tip them. Depending on whether you drive in or take a taxi you will either be greeted by a valet or a doorman. If it's a valet, give him the keys with a $3-5 tip while the doorman unloads your luggage from the back of the car onto a luggage cart. Don't be an asshole and say that you don't want help. The classic line is, "Oh, we've got it." Or, "don't worry about it, our luggage has wheels."  The doorman is there to do the job of welcoming you to the hotel and taking care of you during your stay. Don't insult him by not allowing him to do the job he is there to do just so you don't have to tip him. He will help you inside and get you to the front desk to start checking in and pass you off to the bellman. For this I will typically tip $5-10 dollars depending on whether or not there was a valet and depending on how much luggage I have.  

Now once I get checked in, I typically don't tip the front desk agent. Once again, they are most likely getting paid full-scale wages and are not relying on tips. If the person behind the front desk gives me a room upgrade from a king to a suite just because they have suites available, I will definitely give them a little extra for making my stay more enjoyable. 

As for the bellman, I will typically tip this guy anywhere from $10-$20. If this guy is personable, smiles a lot and gives me a lot of valuable information, I hook him up. A lot of people ask me how much they should tip a bellman. My typical response is "Well, don't you think that you are going to get a biased answer from a bellman you are about to tip?" just to break the ice a little. "Tipping a bellman is entirely based on the quality of service you receive, the amount of luggage you have, and how much your luggage weighs." Is my professional response.  

"If you want a mathematical way of approaching tipping bellmen," I continue to the clueless guest, "you should tip $1 per computer bag, backpack or purse, $2 per suit case or large duffel bag and $5 per box or cooler that you have with you. If you want to get very specific, how about tipping $.10 per pound or $.25 per kilogram on the overall weight of the luggage." If your bag weighs 80lbs, you should tip $8 for it, plain and simple. You can't afford that? Don't pack so much!

As for doormen who get you cabs, I will typically tip $2-5. I give just a little something to say thank you for the effort. To my surprise, I have been tipped $20 before just for hailing a taxi. It sure was nice, but I would never expect that from a guest for simply hailing a taxi.

If you follow my standards of tipping while staying at a (NYC) hotel you will probably tip somewhere between $50-$100 from the time you check in to the time we load all your luggage in the trunk of a cab going to the airport. All in all, your tips should end up being around 10%-20% of your final hotel bill. If you can’t afford that much to take care of the employees who work at the hotel, maybe you should find a hotel that’s about 10%-20% cheaper. Same principle applies to restaurants, if you can’t afford to eat at the Outback Steak House and tip your server; maybe you should head down to Wendy’s.

Anyway, I hope I've cleared things up for anybody wondering proper American tipping etiquette. Any questions? Fire away!!

I think all management is clueless!

Yesterday I was at work and I saw one of my former co-workers coming out of the cuban restaurant next door to the hotel. Now, for the life of me I could not remember this guy's name but I recognized him instantly and he recognized me. After waiving to one another he started walking towards me and we shook hands and asked one another how each other was doing.

Where you working these days?" I asked.

"I work the front desk just down the street at the Stay Hotel." He asked.

"Oh yeah? I said. "I heard it's nice there. What's it like working there?"

"It's OK I guess." Was his reply.  "How about you? How's work here going?."

"It's totally fucked here man." I stated coldly. I don't think anybody here really knows what the fuck they are doing. It's like the blind leading the blind. I have no confidence in any of my managers or co-workers for that matter. It's amazing we get good reviews online. I honestly don't know how we keep it all together."

"Same thing at the Stay man" he says while nodding in agreement. "Nobody has a clue."

"Really? That's comforting to here. I'd love to work at the Four Seasons or the Mandarin Oriental so I could know what a REAL hotel functions like." I said envisioning a happy hotel work environment where employees are liked by their managers and co-workers and all employees respect their managers because they are fair and have been trained properly by a competent corporate office.

"I don't think it would make any difference" he said quickly shattering the Beaver Cleaver-like work environment I was envisioning.

"Why is that?" I asked inquisitively.

"I think all management is clueless in every industry across the world. Take a look at the Wall St. crisis for God's Sake." He continued to carefully explain himself. All businesses are run by people and all people are by definition, imperfect. Businesses are built upon human relationships which are by and large, very confusing. Corruption, favoritism, resentment, bad decision making; these are all common traits that define human relationships. Whether you are at the Waldorf Astoria or the Best Western downtown, you are going to be disapointed in your leadership because they will always let you down simply by being human."

"That's a very interesting point." I say

Looking into the lobby of the hotel he asks "who's working behind the front desk today? Is that Natasha?"

"Yeah, unfortunately." I reply. "That one is the worst of them all."

"I'm gonna go in there and kick some game, hopefully I'll be able to hit that soon." He says.

"I'd wish you good luck but I don't think you'll need it." I say.  "Bagging that girl is about as easy as a game of 'Whack-a-mole."

As he went inside I found myself thinking a lot about the words we exchanged. I've often dreamt about leaving R&B hotels to find someplace with a more competent management staff. However, high seniority, a comfortable schedule and undeclared cash tips always leave me where I am. Listening to one of my former co-workers talk about how incompetence runs rampant across our industry and the world at large, leaves me with happy feeling.

My life as a tipper: Part I

So far I've written a whole lot about my life being a tipped employee so now I want to talk a little about my life as a tipping customer. I’m going to put myself under the microscope as it were. Now, let me just give you a little history about my upbringing as a tipper.

I was raised in restaurants. From the age of 8 to 18 my parents owned a nice café called "Stevie’s" on the main street of a small town in the Pacific Northwest. "Stevie's" served wonderful, high quality sandwiches during the day and fantastic, homemade pasta and sauces at night. Prior to opening "Stevie’s," my dad was an executive chef and my mom managed the front of the house of several restaurants. I was always the little kid you see in the back corner of the restaurant scribbling in coloring books or playing with a Transformer. Sometimes I would get to hang out in my dad’s office and play on the computer but since this was 1985, computer games weren’t much more entertaining than a coloring book.

At about 5 my parents put me to work just to keep me busy. By the time I was 9, I was working the lunch shift at "Stevie’s." I could work the register, make milk shakes, bus tables, wash dishes, make salads, shit, I even worked the grill sometimes. I guess you could say I learned the value of an honest days work at a young age. There weren't a whole lot of tips coming out of "Stevie’s" so I never really considered them as part of my income.

When I was in college, the restaurant industry was an easy job to get since I had so much experience. I started out bussing tables and by the time I got my degree, I had also graduated to server. Since I had earned a Bachelor of Arts degree with a major in French, there weren't a whole lot of job openings seats when I graduated. Apparently French speakers aren’t in high demand in the current U.S. job market. Besides, I was a musician. I didn't want a 9-5 job. I wanted a flexible schedule and quick easy cash so I could make rehearsals and gigs. Say what you will about waiting tables but quick easy cash and flexible schedules are the two things waiting tables is good for.

I eventually got a job as a banquet server (in which all money is made off of the 18% gratuity added to all large checks in the U.S. to ensure nobody is ever stiffed on a party of more than 6) at the Seattle property of my current company, which made it easy to get my current job as a bellman upon moving to New York City. Basically since college, I have been in a tipped position. In turn, as far back as I can remember, I have been a good tipper.

Since I was a child, I was taught that you tip a Waiter 15-20% based on the quality of service. These days I tip between 10-30% but I typically rest at a solid 20%. When I do tip, I tip in cash since learning about how little restaurants pay their employees and how badly server's tips get taxed. Leaving a tip on a credit card means that your server will only see about 75% of that gratuity. I'd like to think I'm a good tipper, at least in the top 10%. 

That being said, if you fuck up my experience at your restaurant, I will let my tip do the talking for how I felt about your service. I know how to wait tables and I know the industry. If the restaurant is full and you have a lot of tables, I understand the feeling of "being in the weeds" and will grant you a large margin of error. I don't expect flawless service when you are exuberantly busy. I will allow for extra time to get my food and get checked up on and still tip a good 20% if you made every effort you could. However, if the restaurant is empty and you are forgetting things or copping an attitude with me when I ask for small things like sides of mayo, I'm gonna tip 10%. I know the difference between someone who is busy and overwhelmed and someone who is just being a cranky bitch (or jerkoff depending on gender.) I will never stiff a waiter unless they have offended me beyond belief.

It wasn't until I got to New York that I really learned how to tip in other facets of life. For example, I tip NYC Cabbies about 10% of the fare. If they are nice, their cab is clean and they don't complain about having to take me to Brooklyn or lock all their doors and ask me where I am going first, I will probably tip 20%. However, most cabbies in this city are ETREME ASSHOLES and will either be coarse and rude when you tell them where you are going or talk on their phones in a language you don't understand the whole way (or both) and to me, that is not worth more than a dollar or two of compensation for their efforts. In addition, if your cab isn't clean and smells like B.O, that doesn't really help your chance for extra money. 

Working as a Doorman on the streets of New York City, I deal with the cabbies of this town every day and let me tell you, they are a special bunch. Of course there is always exceptions to the rule. I have met some very genuinely good guys who drive cabs over the years. But, for the most part, they are self serving, greedy people who are on a lack of sleep, too much caffeine in their system and have been sitting in New York city traffic for the better part of 12 hours. Would you believe me if I told you that one time I caught a cab driver shitting and pissing in a jar in the back seat of his taxi? It’s true! I told him all he had to do was ask and I’d let him use our bathroom. Better that than him using our loading zone as a port-a-potty! Cabbies are not the best people to have to work with. I’ll go further into depth on my relationships with NYC cabbies at a later date.

In New York, ordering take out is a huge part of a restaurants business so every business has a Delivery Guy. Now these are the most shit upon tipped employees in all of New York, perhaps the world! I take pity on these guys and normally tip them about 20%. Most of these workers are illegal immigrants or at the very least, employees whose English skills aren’t strong enough to actually work in the restaurant. They may not wait on you and use their charm and wit to make you smile like a server in a restaurant does, nor do they clean up after you when you are done. However, these guys risk life and limb riding their bikes or mopeds through New York City traffic to bring you the food you are too lazy to go pick up yourself. Same thing goes for grocery, cigarette, weed or beer delivery guys (all of which exist in the greater New York area.) Oh yeah, if you order delivery during a fucking rain storm, tip the guy an extra 10% on top of what you normally tip him. How much would you want to get paid to deliver someone’s food to them in the middle of a rainstorm? It goes for getting a taxi in the rain as well. (See earlier blog post “Is it hard to get a cab?”

NYC Bartenders, tip them $1 per drink. If they comp drinks for you or buy you a shot, you better take good care of 'em!

That concludes part I of the series of my life as a tipper. Be sure to stay tuned for my next lesson: "Tipping while at Hotels!"

Cheap CEO

Now, it comes with the territory in my line of work that you have to deal with some pretty cheap people on a daily basis.  Sometimes the cheapest people you deal with, are the ones with the most money. For instance, my friend used to work at a upscale hotel in Midtown and Dwight Freeney of the Indianapolis Colts was staying at the hotel. During his stay Mr. Freeney requested a very rare and expensive bottle of tequila be sent to his room.  Knowing this man was a V.I.P.  the hotel managers made several calls and finally located a bottle of the rare agave drink in a liquor store the lower east side. They called the football player to let them know they had located a bottle of the tequila in the city and that it would be comped and delivered to his room within the hour. They gave a bellman money for the bottle and cab fare and sent him downtown to go pick it up. About a half hour later he returned with the bottle and delivered it the the defensive lineman's suite. The mammoth athlete arrived at the door with and accepted the bottle from the bellman with a thank you and a $3 tip!!!

A $3 TIP!!!!!! This is a guy who signed a 6 year, $72 million contract in 2007 with a $30 million signing bonus. Now I'm sure taxes are a bitch but I'm also pretty sure that a guy making $12 million a year can afford more than a $3 tip. I have found that professional athletes, for the most part, are pretty bad tippers considering the money that they make. This story of a cheap NFL athlete, while shocking and absurd, has nothing on what happened to me last week.

At the Times Square Marriot Marquis last week, there was a big convention for hospitality industry.  All the big wigs of the hotel business throughout the country were in town, including the CEO from my company's home office in San Francisco. The man is know as Leon Khackiss and after a week of free hotel rooms and comped meals in New York City, it was time for this mogul of business (who I happen to know for a fact makes an easy 7 figures a year) to check out of his hotel room. My "kiss ass" of a general manager, Rufus Benniss, arranged for a beautiful 2011 cranberry colored Masarati to pick him up and take him to the airport.  As the car arrived with his name in the passenger side window, Mr. Khackiss was shocked and surprised at the ride. He had no idea that my GM had set it up and thanked me for arranging the car.  Since I didn't have any knowledge at the time that Rufus had arranged for the car either, I took credit for it.

"Wow, what a beautiful car." Leon said with a big smile on his face. "Thank you so much Dylan."

"No problem Mr. Khackiss sir." I said back to him. "I'm glad we could send you back home in style."

As I open the door for him, my co-worker Soo-Soo grabs his bags and puts them in the trunk. Leon pulls out his wallet and as he flips through several $20 and $100 bills,  he stops and pulls out two $1 bills and says to us:

"I know it's very meek. I know it's very meager, but spread the wealth." As he says this he takes one of the bills in each hand and gives it to each one of us individually. As we accept the shitty tips with a look of shock on our faces, he hops in his free Masarati to head back to his beautiful home in the bay area.

Now, let's just analyze the situation for a second.  This man is the CEO of a major hotel company. He makes over a million dollars each year, plus bonuses, and stays at all of his properties for free.  His meals are comped as are his rides to and from the airport. I'm pretty sure his airplane tickets are free also (or at least tax deductible.) The only expenses he incurs on these business trips are personal shopping and tips. To top it off, we are HIS employees! He is making upwards of 25x my annual income and he can't even take care of his own people. It's not like $10-$20 would send his life into a tailspin. He is familiar with the industry and knows damn well that tipped employees get paid less than all other employees at the hotel. In addition, he knows damn well how fucking expensive it is to live in a city like New York.  He must have some sort of concept that the doormen and bellmen who work at every hotel of his depend on tips to pay their rent and buy their groceries (and drugs and alcohol as well.)

I can tolerate a European man giving me a dollar for bringing his family to their rooms when they check in or for grabbing them a taxi and loading up their bags when they check out because they simply don't know any better. However, for the CEO of of my hotel's corporate office to tip $1 is so fucking insulting that I don't even know how to fully express my frustration. I hope I've done a semi-decent job of it here.

I hope someone out there feels my pain!